Mirage Read online

  I angled my head upwards to meet Danny’s eyes and I had no further doubts. I saw the love he had for me reflected in his brown eyes. He loved me and I loved him. I kissed him with so much passion, I felt like I was transported to a different time. I was so lost in our kiss; I didn’t even realize that Danny had moved our half naked bodies on a blanket he laid in the sand for us. I was stripped bare, except for my underwear and Danny in his boxers.

  “Mira, I love you so much. I never thought I would meet the person that I wanted for the rest of my life when I was 19. You are all I ever want. You are the smartest, kindest, and most beautiful woman I have ever seen. If you’re not ready, Pea, I can wait. I just want you to know that I am mesmerized by you and knowing one day that you will be mine, in all aspects, is enough to keep me patient.”

  That was all I needed. It wasn’t that he just opened his heart completely to me, but the fact that he didn’t describe me by my physical attributes first. That melted my heart. He acknowledged the person I am on the inside before the person I am on the outside.

  Pushing him backwards until he was no longer hovering over my body on his forearms, I slipped my panties from my body. Danny stood, taking his time, removing his boxers from his body. Setting them near my recently discarded panties, he laid back on the blanket, nestled between my legs and resting on his forearms. He wrapped the excess blanket around our bodies to protect us from late night chill in the air.

  In that moment, it was just he and I. We were one. He made me his that night, on the beaches of Lake Michiga, on a blanket. I couldn’t have asked for a more memorable first time. I bet most girls would kill for a first time like this then in the back of a car or in their parent’s bed.

  Waking up the next morning, naked with the man of my dreams, was such a wonderful experience. After we got up, we were dressed quickly and Danny walked to the bike and pulled out a few energy drinks and gave me one. We sat together, lost in the moment. As I thought about all of the things I would always remember, I knew that this night was at the top of the list. Leaning against Danny, I sighed, completely content on how my life was shaping up.

  The rest of the weekend was spent in a nearby hotel room exploring each other and finding new ways to love one another.

  Sometimes I really hate when memories of Danny seep into my mind when I’m with Skylar. I guess a part of it is that our lives were so intertwined. Without even realizing it, Skylar had become one of my best friends over the years. Skylar has not just seeped into my mind, he’s also in my heart and I loved him. For the longest time, I didn’t realize what that love meant, but being here in this moment, content, much like I was that night with Danny, I know I’m where I’m supposed to be. It might take us a while to get to the point of unconditional love, but this was a start. Now I just need to find a way to open myself back up to Skylar.

  It seems that Skylar and I have a love and hate relationship. I love him and he hates me. At least this long ass ride is giving me time to clear my mind. I see why the boys always went for rides when they needed to clear their heads. This is not just exciting; it’s mind freeing.

  Skylar inches toward the upcoming exit ramp on our right. Pulling off the highway, he maneuveres his bike into a parking lot of a gas station. Killing the engine, he motiones for me to get off the bike.

  “I’m going to grab a soda, do you want anything?” Skylar asks me as I’m pulling the helmet off my head.

  “Uh, I guess. A can of pop, please.”

  I don’t know if I have ever been this confused. He basically kidnapped me from his clubhouse to take me to a gas station to get soda? I wish I could read his mind. Ok, maybe not. He’s pretty pissed at me and the things he’s probably thinking of saying or doing to me, I would rather be left unheard. Just the thought of what he was going to say sends a shiver of fear straight down my spine.

  Skylar comes out of the gas station and hands me a can of Wild Cherry Pepsi and a straw. He remembered that I hate to drink of out the tin but can’t stand the taste of the soda when it’s sitting in the plastic bottles. I take a few sips and then move towards a parking block to sit down and stretch out my legs. I’m looking at my feet, rolling my ankles around, to regain feeling from being attached to the pegs for so long when Skylar starts to speak.

  “I’m sorry for how I acted tonight Mira. I shouldn’t have yelled at you and scared you.”

  “I understand why you’re upset Skylar. I never thought you would react like that, but I understand. I really do hope we can move past it and become friends again.”

  “I really don’t know how to be friends with you Mira. I have always been confident and sure of myself, but you seem to bring out the bad in me. I really would like to be your friend, but knowing that we made a child together, you lost it -- and didn’t tell me. I just don’t know how to process that right now. Maybe eventually we can become friends again, but I really don’t see that happening any time soon.”

  Tears well in my eyes. My revelation of my love for Skylar and his hatred towards me was confirmed in a few minutes. I felt like my heart was literally breaking into tiny pieces with every word and every look. I was willing to forgive Skylar for all the hurt that he had caused me and he couldn’t forgive me?

  “Sky, you said you didn’t sleep with that Heather girl. Was that the truth or were you just trying to make me feel better?” I ask, looking for a reason to be mad at him again. I needed to feel something other than the pain I was in.

  “I swear to you Mira, I never slept with that girl. I wanted you to think I did. When you said Danny’s name instead of mine, that hurt. Until a few hours ago, I didn’t know that anything could hurt worse. I remember that night like it was yesterday, Mira,” Skylar says as I put my head down in shame. When he puts his fingers under my chin to angle my face to look back into his eyes he says, “I remember asking you to open your eyes while I was buried balls deep inside of you. I needed to know that you were in that moment with me, and not a memory of your past. I needed you to know that it was me making you come. I saw your eyes, Mira. You were with me. What happened in those last few moments will plague me the rest of my life. I was with you and nobody else. You were with a ghost. I can’t compete with a ghost.”

  The dam burst and the tears start flowing freely. I put my head in my hands and continue to sob. There was nothing I could say to that. I lost him and he was never coming back to me.

  “I’m sorry, Sky. You will never understand exactly how sorry I am. I was with you and you alone. Danny was the only man I had ever been with. He was the only one I gave my heart to, gave myself to. I wanted you, Sky. I didn’t want a ghost or a memory. It was you. It was probably always …” I stopped myself. I couldn’t even complete that sentence without feeling guilty.

  I had loved Danny unconditionally, but it was Skylar that had a piece of me that Danny never did. The guilt was coming over me, making me sob even harder that I couldn’t catch my breath. This is too much for tonight. My brain was probably still clouded by the mass amounts of whiskey swishing through me. Oh my gosh, I am in love with Skylar and have been for a long time. Probably before Danny died.

  Skylar grabs my arms and pulls me into a hug to try to calm me. He walks back to the bike and puts the helmet on me.

  “I should get you home. I’m sorry Mira, I didn’t mean to upset you more. I really needed to get that out. I wanted to tell you the next morning, but you left so fast I didn’t get a chance. Hop on,” he says climbing on the bike.

  I slowly get on behind him. The bike roars to life and he pulls out of the parking lot and back to the highway. I hold onto him so tight, I’m surprised he allows it. He pulls up to my parent's house and Kylee’s car is already here. I climb off the back. Skylar turns the bike off but doesn’t follow me off to walk me to the door. I try to hand him back the helmet I was wearing.

  “Just hold on to it, I’ll grab it another time. I don’t have anywhere to put it right now,” he says turning his head back to the road.

 
This was it. This was the end of Skyler and me. The end before it even really began. More tears well in my eyes and I throw myself on him in the tightest hug I had ever given anyone. Knowing that I won’t be able to hold onto him again set the tears free. I take a deep breath to remember the smell of this night. Skylar’s cologne mixed with the fumes of the bike will be permanently etched into my memory.

  “Good night Skylar,” I say letting him free of my death grip.

  “Goodnight Mira. Sleep well, okay,” he says as he fires the bike to life.

  I stand in the street and watch Skylar pull off into the darkness. Once his taillights are out of sight, I walk slowly towards the house. I could hear him pull off the street and when I no longer heard the purr of Skylar’s bike, I walk through the front door.

  Shutting the door behind me, I lean against the frame and slide down the wall and sit there and cry. Kylee comes down the stairs to find me in my misery. She comes and sits down next to me with her back to the door as well. She puts her arm around my shoulder and pulls me down to lean against her while she strokes my hair, trying to calm me from my hysterical crying fit.

  “Skylar?” she asks.

  Knowing that if I try to speak, nothing coherent would come out of my mouth, so I nod my head.

  “I know honey. Don’t worry. Everything happens for a reason. If you want me to chop his dick off and throw it in the river, you know I will,” she says jokingly.

  I give her a small smile and a little chuckle. I know that my best friend isn’t as crazy as she let’s others believe, but I also know that she would do anything in world for me. The kind of calm that comes over me when I’m with Kylee is so weird. It’s like she knows exactly what to say and when to say it.

  “He can keep his dick, Ky, but thanks for that. I know you would do it,” I say giving her a hug.

  Standing up and heading towards the stairs, Kylee turns back towards me letting go of my hand that she was holding.

  “Really Mira. There isn’t anything that I wouldn’t do for you. We have been friends since forever, you’re pretty much my sister.”

  I give her another hug and thank her for being such a wonderful friend. All I want now is a change of clothes and my bed.

  “I wish you weren’t leaving Ky. I know you’re still here for another twelve days, but I really wish we could be together more. I miss you when you’re gone.”

  “Want to know a secret?” Kylee asks me.

  “I didn’t think we did secrets, of course I want to know,” I tell her giving her a little shove as she walks ahead of me up the stairs. We get to the top of the stairs and as she opens my bedroom door, she turns towards me. “I’m back to stay babe. I quit my job. Apartment hunting tomorrow afternoon?” she says with a huge grin. “Hell yes,” I respond. Everything for a reason I guess.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Kylee and I sleep late the next morning. Waking up around eleven, we head downstairs for coffee and breakfast. My mom had already put the Sunday paper on the counter before leaving for church. Kylee grabs the paper and searches for the apartments for rent section. Our paper wasn’t as large as most metropolitan areas, but it takes her a few seconds.

  After finding the proper classifieds section, she grabs a pen from the junk drawer. I don’t know about your house, but it’s like there are at least four places in my house that are catch alls. A little bit of everything is in these drawers, cupboards or designated corners. After moving papers to the side and removing the can opener, she finds a large red pen and begins circling ads that on paper meet our criteria.

  We really didn’t need much. Two bedrooms, a large living space, open floor plan and preferably two bathrooms, but one would suffice. Something with assigned parking might be nice too. Looking for street parking during the summer was a lot easier thn when classes were in session. Even though we typically try to stay off campus, most students do too, so they can walk to classes. It can turn into a mess trying to carry in groceries from two blocks away.

  Finishing our coffee and bagels, we go back upstairs to get ready for the day. Since we were apartment hunting, I wanted to be comfortable but look professional enough as well. I really think that when looking for new home and meeting landlords, you want to look like you at least have your shit together. First impressions are everything.

  I dress in black capris, a black pheasant blouse and black flats. I know it sounds boring, but I love how I look in black. It’s simple yet classy, which is exactly what I’m going for. My hair doesn’t look to bad for not washing it this morning, so I wear it down with a black headband to match my outfit.

  Walking back downstairs, I find Kylee already dressed and on her phone.

  “Is two okay with you? My roommate and I are looking to get something rather quickly,” Kylee says into her phone receiver. “Great, see you soon,” she says as she ends the call.

  “I have been calling on a few of these ads and most don’t have Sunday appointments. I found this one, about six blocks from State Street, and he can meet us there today,” Kylee says.

  “That’s really close to campus, Ky. Are you sure?”

  “They are condos and they have individual driveways and garages. I think we might have hit the jackpot with this one.”

  “It’s a quarter after one, let’s just leave now so we can check out the area,” I say as I grab my purse and head out the door.

  It was only about a ten minute drive over to the condo that Kylee found for rent. The area looked nice. Attached two story condos, maybe newer construction, all with attached garages in the front and decks in the back, I think this might be something I can get used to.

  We walk around the area and find a fenced area that housed a pool. SWEET! I love to swim and there is no better tan than a real one. The community looks great. If I had to give my honest opinion of this condo and the area I would have to say, oh em gee, this is a place for me!

  We head over to the actual unit we are looking at and I see a familiar looking man at the door. Looking at his facial features, I know I have seen him somewhere before, but I can’t place him.

  “Mira! How nice to see you again,” the man says.

  “I’m sorry, have we met before? You look very familiar but I can’t place you for some reason.”

  “Oh. I’m sorry. I’m John. I was the mediator during your meeting a while back. You came with that nice young man, what was his name? Oh, yes, Skylar. You had lost someone dear to you.”

  Now I have him placed. He was the man with the sad eyes. “John, how rude of me. That was not one of my finer moments. How have you been?”

  “I’ve been well, and yourself? How are you and Skylar doing?”

  “I’m doing much better. Skylar and I actually spent some time together this weekend, but I haven’t really seen him much before that. But I’m so good, thank you for asking. Is this your place?”

  John responded yes and leads us into the property. Even from the foyer, I can tell this is exactly where I would like to live. The foyer has ten foot ceilings that lead into an open floor plan consisting of a living room, dining room and kitchen. It has First floor laundry and two bedrooms upstairs with separate bathrooms. This might be my dream condo.

  “John, this is amazing. Your ad didn’t say how much the rent and security deposit is. What are you looking to get for this place?” I ask praying he says something that we can afford. He didn’t. The price was about eight hundred dollars a month out of our price range.

  After we tell John that we won’t be able to take it, we leave. Kylee heads back towards my parent’s house. I have to say, my mood is pretty sour. I would really like to just go back to bed or take a bath, preferably both. Between the fallout with Skylar and the house, I really don’t feel like I’m going to be good company.

  “Ky, I know you want to go to lunch and maybe do some shopping, but would you mind taking me back home. I’m not really up for socializing with the world today.”

  “Yeah, that’s fine. I wanted to head ove
r to the mall and I know how you hate it anyway. This works out. Now I won’t be rushed,” Kylee says trying to lighten my mood.

  Kylee drops me off at home and takes off to do her mall business. Kicking off my shoes and dropping my purse on the couch, I head upstairs to take my bath. I run the bath water as hot as my body can handle. A good soak might release all the negativity I have in my body right now. I am one of those people that can feel negativity. It’s like my body gets all wound up and I feel as tight as one of those rubber bands that go around broccoli. It’s not a good feeling, let me tell you.

  Stripping off my clothes, I dip one toe in the bath and almost scald my skin off. I made this bath way to fucking hot. I try to run a little cold water to even out the temperature, but it doesn’t work. I decide this is as good a time as any to sit on the edge of the tub and play on my phone, naked.

  After browsing my newsfeed on Facebook and Twitter, I try the water again. Still too hot. Shit. As I’m about to open the Instagram app on my phone to see what my friends are eating today, you know, because all people do is post duck faced pictures and food on Instagram, my phone rings.

  “Hey Jacoby.”

  “Mira. How are you today?”

  “I’m alright, about to take a bath and maybe a nap. What’s going on? Is everything okay at the office?”

  “Yeah Mira, everything is fine,” Jacoby chuckles, “I wanted to see if maybe if I could have that date you promised me the other day. I thought about what you said and I’m sorry for acting like a jerk. I waited so long to ask you out on a date, I got a little jealous. It’s not one of my finer moments.”

  I laughed at his jealousy. If he only knew that Skylar wanted nothing to do with me. “What did you have in mind?”